When Fortune Comes?

She wonders when she’ll meet her other half. Her good-intentioned mother and aunt went to saiv yaiv and the nice old lady’s gentle told them her other half has not yet arrived. Just wait, they tell her casually. He’ll come eventually. He’s just taking a little bit longer to arrive.

She smiles. She shrugs. And responds that it’s okay. I’m in no hurry to leave you Mom and Dad. But inside, she sighs deeply and in her cluttered bedroom, clothes strewn on her bed because she couldn’t decide what to wear to work, her documents spread all over her desk, the bills she hasn’t yet glanced at, she is impatient.

In her dream, he serenades her and brings her flowers. He is strong and takes the lead. In her dream he protects her and loves her unconditionally. In her dream he is but a shadow. In her dream, he only exists as a figment of her imaginative mind.

She’s never been pursued before. She’s never had someone flirt with her. She’s never been checked out. All of her dates have come through referrals, either through friends or via online dating sites. She wonders if it’s her. Is she not pretty enough? Is she not good enough? Is she not thin enough? Is it because of her?

She doesn’t know. She speculates and speculates. But no answers. And she stops.

Because who would marry her? Who would want to be with her? She cannot give her all to one person. She is already taken – her family needs her, and she is 1% whole, 99% divided. So how can she think of dividing herself even more? She is afraid and so she does nothing. She will let fortune take pity on her. She will let fortune decide. And she’ll meet fortune when the time is right.