Grandfather Thao

Dear God,

In my next life, I want to be a better child, a better grand-child, a better sibling. I want to be a better person with a better life. In my next life and the lives to come, I don't want to meet them anymore. I don't want to meet again the sisters who hate me so. I don't want to meet again, the brother who hates me so. I don't want to meet those who hate me so. That when the very sight of my name on postal mail, the very mention of my name incites in their hearts that know not how to forgive and the memories that cannot forget, anger and incredulousness arise to levels that cannot be measured.

In this life, I hope that I will complete my duty. That my caring for Mother and Father, and for the younger siblings will be enough to redeem me so that I may be reborn in a better life.

I told Grandfather Thao tonight that he should go away. Obviously, he doesn't love us, he doesn't love Mother, otherwise, the accidents would not have happened. I forgive him, for trespassing. I forgive Grandfather, but if you cannot love us, like you love them, then by all means, go away. Go and stay with them, those who you deem are worthy of your protection and love. Go away and don't bother us, if you're not going to be a loving and protecting Grandfather. That is my message to you. And if it's about your books, if you want your sons and grandsons to have them. Go tell that message to Mina. Tell her to tell me. And I will most gladly be happy to hand them over to their rightful new propietors. Obviously, if that is so, I was mistaken in asking for the books you lovingly cherished. Books that I also cherish, for the simple facts that they were yours and I love books.

Next time you trespass Grandfather, I don't know if I'll be as understanding. But tonight, I forgive for harming us, for harming my precious car, my first car. So, be understanding and if you don't love us, go away. If you can't protect us, go away. If you're only going to harm us, go away. I want to be loved, protected. All human beings want that. We don't suddenly wish to be harmed and unloved. So...Grandfather Thao, now that you've passed the realm of the living and until we honor you one last time this weekend, please don't cause problems for my family. I love my family and it hurts me to see you harm them, harm us.

I loved you Grandfather, in my own, even though you clearly didn't love Mother. You clearly disapproved of Father. But part of me is Mother too, and Mother is a part of you too. So I loved you. And I'm saddened that you have chosen to cause more harm to my family, to Mother, to Father, to me. Saddened because in my heart, I know you really don't love us. And so, that is why, I am respectfully requesting that you cease your harmful intents towards us, and leave us be in peace. Please. We only ask that you love and protect us. But if you cannot, then you have no place in our home. And if you are here because Grandmother Thao is here, temporarily, then at least be respectful of my Grandmother, my Yang ancestors, Mother's spirits and cease from all harm towards us.

It's not too much to ask.

Thank you.